Self Image and Stigma.
07:43
Hey again, as you know I've already spoken about techniques to overcome Trichotillomania in the most traditional of ways, and these are not necessarily cures although I think these are ways that could possibly help manage TTM or reduce it. But really this post is about how (women in particular) find ways to disguise this self-destructive habit and maybe even boost their self confidence and image.
Hats/ Scarves:
As a teen before I invested in extensions, wigs and when my condition was in its early stages, I used to deal with this in the most traditional way, tying my hair up and/or wearing caps and hats. I only wore scarves in the house when I needed my head to breathe and was self conscious of my mum's husband. I mostly worse hats and caps when I wasn't at school and I, tied my hair back so tight, I would meticulously do my hair again and again, the more hair I lost, the longer I spent stressing, my arms would ache and I could spend hours doing my hair redoing it until I felt confident enough to go to school, I was late to school sometimes because of this, but most of the time the fear of being late to school petrified me so it was easier to just not go. I hated school for the whole 5 years I was in high school and probably one of the worst times of my life, it traumatises me still when I think about the encounters I had.
I used to gel my hair to try and conceal problem areas and tied my hair in the highest possible pony tail with the thinnest saddest excuse for a pony tail, people started to notice this so I then resorted to buns.
I used to have pictures of me as a teen before wigs, but oddly enough they are nowhere to be seen on social media because I guess I am embarrassed of how I looked then. I know I do have physical copies of these pics back home but definitely no traces of that time can be found anywhere online. It was rather an awful time, bad memories, girls can be so cruel and insensitive throughout adolescents.
Wigs:
I remember the first time I came into school with my first wig and I remember crying because a girl had said something awful to me at lunch time whilst I was eating with my friends, (I don't remember what it was now but I remember it being something threatening) because of it, the only feeling worse than being wracked with nervousness and dread coming into school looking different, is when girls taunt you and point this out and start to question you. This was coming from a girl who was shy, sensitive and went to a school full of girls who quite frankly were pieces of work, throw in low self-esteem and yes fear, I was actually scared of going to school, it was an extremely difficult 5 years of my life that to this day can still bring me tears, I would never wish upon anyone to have ever been put in my position, I felt alone the whole time. But I'm glad to say that shit hole of school got closed down a few years ago. This was before a time, I knew of lace wigs and when I finally heard about them it would be years before I got my first lace wig because at that time they cost a fortune.
The pics are of the wigs I wore before I converted to lace wigs (in no specific order from 14-19 years old.)
Lace wigs:
As aforementioned I wore wigs for a rather large chunk of my life, this was ok for while, until I needed better quality wigs because I was going through wigs almost every 2 weeks to a month, because they just weren't lasting long or I didn't like the style because as I grew older I wanted more styling options, I was using synthetic or heat friendly fire wigs for a while before I invested in some human hair wigs which then again made me realise I was still limited in what I wanted to with my hair and that's when lace wigs happened...
I got my first lace wig at a place in London it cost me £800 because they did a full installation which meant bonding the wig to my hair line and it was incredible, it looked so real, but issues started to occur when I wanted to wash my natural hair, with no access to my hair i had no choice but to remove the well applied wig, which was horrendous there was so much glue that held it on it had got into my hairline and was so thick and sticky it got in my hairline and was hard to remove to the point it was ripping my hair out, so this no longer was an option because I never managed to re-apply it the same, (its a long gruelling process) and I gave up because it was not realistic for upkeep and my natural hair, not to mention the damage it was causing to my hairline (ironically not a place I pull).
I don't know how or where but I then came across this company, possibly on youtube or google called RPGShow this was months later. This is where I bought my first wig and many after that, in fact the majority of my wigs have been from there, I no longer use glue to apply them they have clips and elastic so it can be removed easily and put on easily with no hassle or further damage to my natural hair. I've also purchased 2 from another website called wowafrican.com, which in my opinion sell way better quality human hair as it's virgin Brazil and not Indian Remy which I found deteriorated way faster.
Extensions (The Intralace System):
I did go through a time I really wanted Lucinda Ellery to do my hair I actually knew of this place early on in my diagnosis after scoping the internet on my condition and reading an article on a girl who went there with my condition and had a hair system of extensions, hair and mesh would hide all signs of pulling and can even act as a barrier and allow the area to grow underneath. For me the ultimate since I found out was to go there, naturally I booked a consultation at 14 because I was sick of the bullying and I thought it was a cure all to this condition. We were quoted and given forms to bring to the GP for funding, the quote was ridiculous we were talking like £2500, we took it to the GP and they downright refused to fund my hair extensions even when they diagnosed me with this condition. I was heartbroken, my mum wouldn't fund it but somehow a few years later when I was 16 (I think), I went back for another consultation, again the price hadn't changed but I had hoped my mother would change her mind because she blindly refused because she thought it was a waste of money, funnily my mums husband at the time was willing to pay for it but my mum refused it, naturally.
However all wasn't lost a few years later in my second year of uni, I had more of my student loan as i wasn't spending it on a dorm anymore so I decided to seek out a cheaper alternative and low and behold I found Mark Glenn, he offered it for about £1600 and maintenance thereafter was charged per hour and came to about £300-£400 if I'm not mistaken. Mark Glenn if you didn't know is the ex husband of Lucinda Ellery and both run the same services, except Mark's a little cheaper because he integrated heat friendly fibre into my hair whilst Lucinda offered Human Hair. Either way, after months of enjoying my extensions, the money ran dry fast on all the maintenance and I was no longer able to afford even removal of £50, so I removed them myself and returned back to lace wigs. Some pics below of me with the extensions and my natural hair integrates, my hair was super long all the way to my bottom actually but a few months ago i chopped it into a bob for easier maintenance, (more about that on my next post about my natural hair and its state.)
That's all from me today.
Peace, love and positivity.
Cherry x
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