So the weekend has been and gone, I must say its been rather stressful, I woke up at 6.30am Saturday morning to travel 3 and half hours to the airport to pick up my brother and dad, and meet my least favourite aunt to give her stuff my mum packed for her (which was a lot of stuff by the way). After faffing around trying to locate someone that had no wifi, but kept sending me text messages knowing full aware I had no credit on my phone to reply, it was agitating. We finally unpacked and gave her stuff and we took the 2 o clock bus back. We arrived in Gwangju at almost 6pm and we grabbed a cab to downtown looked around bought some food and walked for what felt like an eternity and waited for a bus back to Hwasun. I guess journeys feel longer when you are in a rush and/or tired and just wanna head home, eat and get comfortable, or in my case get ready to head out.

So as you can imagine I was extremely tired when I went back out and hadn't eaten properly all day from the hectic schedule so naturally I was knocking back alcohol because I was happy, but I also got drunk so quickly. I ended up feeling really tired and drunk for the whole night, which also meant only one thing, drunkness and tiredness is a disaster waiting to happen.

My boyfriend I headed home when the night was over, I was feeling rather emotional and crying a bit, him being the amazing person that he is, he gave me words of comfort and support I have not experienced from anyone before, no one has shown me kindness, understanding and immense amounts of support like he has.
He knows the right things to say and how to instantly make me feel better, usually I don't believe peoples words of support because they feel fake and not heartfelt. But not once has he ever done that, I don't know how he does it but he just naturally spoke to me in a way that I found was comfortable and easy to open with, I never felt ashamed, embarrassed or shy to talk about TTM, my hair, the fact I wear a wig with him (I really hate saying the word, I literally get embarrassed, but nope not once with him did I even cringe about it), it was an epiphany for me. I knew this guy loved me but to what extent can you love someone who suffers from several mental illnesses and feel like they are losing grasp with reality?  But I knew in that moment that when he said he loved me he meant it, this love ran deep it wasn't superficial and shallow, he genuinely wanted to do everything for me to be comfortable, happy and supported, even if that meant seeing me with no wig on. I have always felt too ashamed to shown anyone (except my family) my natural hair but the fact he loved me that much and wanted me to feel comfortable around him no matter what, that was the lightbulb moment for me.

I felt it within my soul this guy knows what he's got into and that hasn't scared him away, lost interest etc. I know everyone has their hangups on themselves, we are own critics after all, but this for me is life changing. I don't think I have loved anyone like I love this man. I know this is the guy I will spend my life with and possibly have kids with in the future.  I have so much respect and love for this man I would be a fool to let this guy go.

So I'm feeling a lot better than last week, feelings will not completely leave but right now I am on the uprise of positivity because he has helped me discover this new found strength within myself. I don't know what I did to deserve such a perfect person, but I am grateful he came into my life at the right time.